I Have Music Inside

All morning long, I’ve had music going through my head. But it isn’t the music that is important – it is the opportunities that music represents. Ideas, philosophies, creativity, and love – all of these make up a holistic approach to my forward trajectory. Individually, each is just a part of me, together they are a part of a whole, that is much greater than the sum.

As an INTJ, I have many ideas. INTJs are known as the architects, ordesigners. Our strength is creative ideas, our weakness is the administration of those ideas. A few years ago I worked with a fantastic team of people who loved to pull together great opportunities and turn them into realities. It was an awesome experience, and one that was very fulfilling. I remember one night, as we prepared for a great grand opening experience, 30 people, led by a smaller group of four, were busy getting ready for the next day’s event. As their leader, I did virtually nothing except walk around and encourage.

The beauty of that night was that everything that was coming together was exactly how I’d envisioned it. I wasn’t pushing, I wasn’t sweating, and I wasn’t stressed. It was incredible to see all this come together, just as I’d dreamed for the past six or seven years. And the grand opening event was even better than any of us had imagined. I could never have done it alone, and it was the collaboration of ideas and resources that made it better than I’d initially imagined.

As I’ve had some time to regroup over the past couple of weeks, some of those ideas are starting to fill my head again. Unfortunately, I have no outlet for those ideas. I’m more rested, more relaxed, and feeling more at peace than I have in months. Yes, I need more of this, and the resting isn’t over – however, I’m regaining some balance.

I realized today that I’m not afraid to give away my ideas. In fact, they aren’t really my ideas. Solomon once said, “there is nothing new under the Sun.” I believe that. Another great man once said, “All good things come from God.” I believe that too. So, indeed, these ideas in my head, they don’t belong to me. I cannot hoard them. In fact, I’ll never be able to implement even a few of them. If I could implement just one good idea, and carry it through to completion, I’d be satisfied for life.

That is the discouraging thing about having left Common Ground five years ago. It wasn’t finished. It’s still a good idea, and I want to keep doing it. I just got too involved in survival. I’ve been trying to make others happy, and failing. I’ve been trying to stay employed – and create passion in other peoples’ endeavors, but it isn’t working. I believe we can restart Common Ground – and maybe with a little more solid foundation and long-term trajectory.

I’m actually OK being employed, and I’m OK working for others. I just need to find employment that isn’t killing me and my family. Other than that – everything else is fine. I’m OK working 50+ hours a week. I’m OK furthering the profits of others. And I’m OK being subservient to a boss. I just need to have the time, to stay holistically healthy.

There is music inside of me.  I just want the space to set it free.

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