Yesterday I was interviewed as part of a local worship experience. It was fun, I enjoyed the experience, and the the topic is one I have passion about. This morning however, when I got up too early, I watched the online video of the presentation. I immediately noticed how very old I looked. In fact, I looked as old as I feel.
For several months I have been plodding along, just (barely) putting one foot in front of the other – living one day at a time. I believe I’ve aged about 10 years in the last three or four. It wasn’t that long ago that people typically guessed me to be about 10 years younger than I am. A few weeks ago, a clerk asked me if I was eligible for the senior discount. #sigh
When I watched this video I immediately became trapped between motivation and discouragement. There is a part of me that wants to push forward and lose the extra 20 pounds, start exercising, and strive to get enough sleep. Another part of me is ready to throw in the towel and become a full-time slug.
So, today I was a slug. I have three more weeks of time off – I wonder what I’ll do with that?
I told my wife this morning how tired and old I looked in the video and how discouraging that is. She just nodded – and then pulled out a photo from a few years ago that she plans to show our counselor. So, so hard to grasp reality sometimes.