Surrender, part 3

A Lonely Tarlac RoadSometimes – usually – it is outside of our control.

In fact, almost everything in my life is outside of my control.  And yet, I have this incredible need to feel like I have some input.  But I don’t.

My schedule, my travel, even when I am awake or asleep – all of these are influenced by various people and entities.  All of these require some form of compromise, communication, and cooperation.

About the only thing I actually can do on my own, is rearrange the icons on the desktop of this computer.

For the past couple of days, I’ve had this overwhelming feeling of impossibility.  In some ways it is claustrophobic.  In many other ways, it is quite demoralizing.  There is no map, no directions, and no app on my phone that will guide my next steps.  So?  Now what?

“At a very young age, I learned to to the process…”

As I reclined in the dental chair yesterday, trying to ignore the hideous scraping of the hygienist’s pick and the bright fluorescent light shining in my eyes, some old feelings washed over me.  We are all familiar with that dental experience, but very few have spent as many hours in that chair as I have.  Countless oral surgeries, 13 years of orthodontia, and a whole mess of other procedures – I estimate I’ve probably spent approximately a gazillion hours in that chair – with other people’s hands in my mouth – hurting me.

At a very young age, I learned to surrender to the process.  I knew it was necessary.  I knew I had no choice.  I would just lie there, relax, obey their commands, and try not to choke on my own drool.  I ignore the pain, I ignore the mouth splitting intrusion, and I ignore the total invasion of my space.  It is what it is.

So yesterday, as I lay there, ignoring the scrape, scrape, scrape – I just surrendered.  I , , and trusted Him.  It was a good place to be.

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Comments

  1. Mike Hansen says:

    I can relate to the dental chair-having smashed my teeth on the (then) new stairs of our hospital almost 8 years ago. I controlled myself as I drove the dentist’s office, but gave it up for him to do his thing to fix the trauma. Probably not a “gazillion” like you, but many hours, yes. Surrendering control to God is always a good place to be. Thanks for sharing.

    1. gwalter says:

      Yeah – it’s never fun.  But it just makes me wonder, if I can surrender to the dentist, why not to God?

  2. Jennifer says:

    Surrender IS  a good place to be; often difficult to get there, but good. It seems to me, based on your post, that if we can remember how we have surrendered in the past, it is easier to surrender in the now. 

    I also feel that overwhelming sense of impossibility and complete lack of control sometimes. So when I wake up in the morning before the kids are up and dwell in the quietness of His Presence, I kind-of claw at Him for His peace to contain me, to remove and calm my fear. I read my devotion (Jesus Calling) and look up the verses, as I ponder what He’s saying to me. Then I review verse after highlighted verse of God saying He’s taking care of me, that He’s guiding my steps, that I don’t have to be afraid, to waiting patiently upon Him, that He will personally go with me, to trust Him and not rely on my own understanding, that He will never forsake me, that it’s good for me to depend upon Him, and on and on…… After a while I am at peace, focused again on Him and not the impossible circumstances. It is a DAILY process for me and I am grateful He never tires of receiving and embracing me.

    Today one verse I read was, “God blesses those who are poor (in spirit) and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of God is theirs.”  And I was like, “That’s me! I need Him! I need You! And the Kingdom of Heaven is mine?!”  I’m not exactly sure what the last part means for me yet, but I keep reading verses that bless and affirm my need of Him. Now that’s good news!!

    1. gwalter says:

      This is just one of the many reasons I love you!!

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