Are Your Teens Prepared for the Temptations

This time of year we hear a lot of music that we don’t normally hear.  Some of it isn’t actually music, but we only hear it during the holiday season.  As I drove to work the other morning, a song came on the radio that stirred up those usual warm Christmastime feelings.  It’s a very well written song, usually performed by Dean Martin and Doris Day.  And then I listened to the words.

Here are the lyrics to Baby it’s Cold Outside – which are amazing really.

The song captures perfectly the lust and of .  That’s one of the reasons this song is so amazing, because the capturing of those moments.  He is seducing, and she is succumbing.  According to the Wikipedia article linked above, the original score labeled the conversation with “Wolf” and “Mouse.”Goodnight

“My belief is that one on one dating is dangerous and group dating is healthier. “

My Wonderful Wife and I were talking about a conversation she had with some friends.  Apparently they are teaching their to not date.  In their view, dating is foreplay.  Taking it to it’s natural conclusion, dating leads to .  While this is a simplistic view – and one that could easily be expanded, I think they have a good point.  The song above illustrates this very well – especially in the line: “at least I can say I tried.”

Many abstinence only proponents talk about teenage/premarital sex being bad for three reasons:

  1. It leads to unwanted pregnancy.
  2. It can cause disease.
  3. It is evil and forbidden by the Bible.

Unfortunately, these three arguments are also simplistic.  Many people who are teaching abstinence fail to mention the heartbreak, drama, and emotional stunting that occurs.  It is difficult to discuss, and even more difficult to explain.  A simple NO is easy, but sometimes has little effect.

The reason I think the above song is so brilliant, is because it really does capture the heat that occurs in those moments.  When one is in that space, it is really difficult to walk away.  If you’re the man, you keep pressing (eg, “one more drink,” “one more cigarette,” baby it’s cold outside…and you can’t get a cab.”).  If you’re the woman, you know you should say no (eg; “my sister…” “my brother….” “I really should go…”), but you don’t always want to.  It is heavy stuff.

How do we better prepare our kids for these moments?  

It’s one thing if you are a young adult, like those portrayed in the movie.  But increasingly, young teens are finding themselves in these situations.  It isn’t fair to them.  They need to be better prepared.

My belief is that one on one dating is dangerous and group dating is healthier.  Do you have any suggestions or thoughts on this?

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Comments

  1. Theinadvertentfarmer says:

    All parents of daughters should read ‘5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter‘…it covers this topic brilliantly.

    I think we as Christian parents just knee-jerk react and say “you can’t date because it’s too much temptation.” Instead we need to have an ongoing conversation with our kids (at age appropriate times of course) what sexual feeling they will be encountering and some very specific and proactive ways to avoid situations that will make them vulnerable.  They need tools to disarm dangerous situations more than mom and dad just saying ‘wait’.  We need to build a very strong case for WHY they should wait,

    And lastly we need especially to shore up our daughters…as we all know (and I don’t care if this sounds sexist) it is the women that pace a sexual relationship.  The sex drive of our daughters; are much more tied to their hearts than is our boys’, so we need to arm them well with well thought out reasons and specific tools to help them wait until the marriage.

    1. gwalter says:

      Agree Kim. And thanks for the book recommendation (I took the liberty of adding a link into your comment, and posted it on the Daddytude Facebook Page)  ‘5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter

      My goal, currently is to so fill my kids’ “love cup” that they don’t have an emptiness that they seek someone else to fill.

      I do like the idea that we can keep them educated, in conversation, and give them tools.  And yes, it may be sexist, but we are built differently.  And like the song I posted, the woman does set the pace.

      As I told someone recently, if a woman submits too soon, the man will lose interest.  If the couple goes “there” too soon, the relationship will stagnate.  It is about working through the relationship issues before it gets too intimate.  This is where a lot of abstinence only promoters miss a teaching opportunity.

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