Visionary, Perfectionist, OCD, or Control Freak?

@SNIPER_07-040521-M-1012W-014After my last post, and some choice comments, I’ve been wondering why I just can’t leave well enough alone?  Why can’t I just keep my head down, mouth shut, and avoid eye contact?  To stop trying to make a difference – at this point in my life – seems like defeat.

So, it got me to thinking.  Maybe I’m a control freak?  Maybe the reason I try to things is because I have control issues.  Maybe I’m OCD – maybe I can’t leave well enough alone?  Maybe I’m a perfectionist that can’t ignore less than perfect circumstances?  Or maybe I’m a visionary, who sees things others can’t (or won’t) see, and wants to help see the light?

I’m not sure – but I do know that I’m not very satisfied with how things often work out.

“It is hard for me to remain silent in the face of injustice, hypocrisy, or mediocrity”

I’ve tried applying the Serenity Prayer, but my problem is I have more courage than acceptance – or maybe one could say I lack wisdom and patience?

And then there’s the idea that someone needs to speak up – like my friend Angie posted recently:

“I often hear people say, ‘I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t feel like it would make a difference.’ Yet, how are you going to make a difference if you don’t use your voice? Remember–your voice is as valid as anyone’s!”

It is hard for me to remain silent in the face of injustice, hypocrisy, or mediocrity.  Maybe I’m getting old, but it seems like it is just too much work anymore.  I want to be able to leave well enough alone, and stop making waves – but it is in my nature.  The problem is, people don’t seem to appreciate ideas, vision, or change – even when they are needed.

And yet, it’s who I am.

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  1. Brent Logan says:

    Since the “choice comments” were likely mine, I’ll respond to this one as well. 🙂

    There’s nothing wrong with being a fixer, especially in the battle against injustice. When it comes to hypocrisy or mediocrity, it’s not so clear. Some people don’t want to be fixed and it might not be your place to fix them against their wishes.

    There’s so much injustice to fix that you needn’t worry about keeping busy. Leave the hypocrites and mediocre alone.

    1. gwalter says:

      I look at people who are content with their place in life. They are neither defeated, discouraged, or demented – they just somehow know that their job/career is not their life. They go to work, come home (usually on time), pay their bills, and enjoy their family. They aren’t addicted to work and don’t seem to have aberrant outlets in their lives.

      I envy those people.

      It wasn’t what was modeled for me – and my pioneer roots compel me to adjust the status quo.

      But it is getting exhausting – and I think I need to come down off this cross – I think other people could use the wood.

  2. Kelly says:

    If I said something every time I saw injustice, hypocrisy, or mediocrity, I’d be exhausted. I have no idea how you manage.

    1. gwalter says:

      It is exhausting Kelly – plus it doesn’t enhance my career, or my life, very well. I just don’t know any other way.

      1. Kelly says:

        Unless you are dead or senile, it’s not too late to learn. 🙂

  3. I have just discovered your blog and love the conversations. I have found it affirming to remember that “only unreasonable people change the world”. However the feeling of wanting to change things for me is often one of urgency so I am going to consider “whether I have the patience to wait until my mud settles and the water is clear” before I proceed. (In theory this sounds good anyway).

    1. gwalter says:

      Yes Glenda – urgency has driven me too.

      I’ve often had to ask myself, will this make any difference in 100 years? Or will I care about this on my death bed. Probably not.

      Like Solomon, I’m coming to some more restful conclusions.

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