A few years ago I was burned out, tired, exhausted, and
only slightly depressed. It was not a good time. I had given my heart and soul to my life’s mission, and now I was paying the price. I get that, but apparently others didn’t.
In the midst of that process, I grew cranky, directive, and not all that pleasant to be around. That is no one’s fault but my own. I most likely needed a sabbatical, some counseling, and some good down time. Unfortunately, none of that was available. Well, we did take a five-week vacation, but that actually hurt my reputation with my employer and job. Indeed, I made some mistakes and lost some very dear friends in the process. And before I had an opportunity to repair the damage, we were transferred.
As a result of an unplanned move, a newborn Smiling Son, and the grey, Oregon Mist, things got worse. As I mentioned in an earlier post (or two), it was a difficult time for us. Indeed, I could have handled it better, but I didn’t. That is water under the bridge.
The sad thing is that I became estranged from some of the closest people in my life. As some pushed me away, I was seeking to defend my vision, honor, and family. In the process I was trying to reach out to others – but they were unavailable to me. Possibly they were repulsed by my dysfunctional attempts to survive. I”m not sure.
- I currently live an isolated life. Which is fine, I’ve been isolated before. But I miss some of those dear people.
Now that I’m regaining my sanity and serenity, I could reach out again to some of those folks, but I don’t want to. I don’t trust them. For someone to abandon me (and my family) during our time of crisis, well, it just hurts. I can forgive, and for the most part I have. However, I can’t trust them now. What would keep them from doing that again?
I miss these people, a couple of them are family (biological & immediate), the rest were like family and have known them for years.
I’m moving on…