Marriage, Coffee, and Empty Buckets

I start my day with water in my bucket, and depending on the length of the day, or its intensity, I may or may not have water in my bucket when the day is over.

My goal is to keep some reserve for my family. That way, when everyone begins to melt down, I can help carry them over the abyss. Last Thursday was a perfect example of why I need to maintain some reserve – that’s the day I lost my temper with my son.

Sometimes the ongoing pressures are so great that there is very little reserve for others.

And now you know why I drink coffee.

Some activities drain my bucket faster than others. For instance, as an introvert, being in small rooms, with a lot of people, is generally not a bucket filling experience for me. Disciplining my kids, arguing with my wife, or having other intense moments of fellowship – these all drain the bucket even more quickly.

If I know I’m going to be in one of the above situations, I try to top off my bucket and then I try to limit my contact to the draining experiences of life. Unfortunately my wife doesn’t understand this (and many others!?). If she and I have an “incident,” without me having some recuperation/recharge time, I’ll most likely not have enough water in my bucket to succeed at the impending social event, or life challenge. For sure, some of our discussions can empty my bucket fairly quickly.

By the time we arrived today, I barely had energy to be polite.

A few weeks ago was one of those times. I barely had the desire to be around people in the first place. Without any reflection on my great, extended family, I just wanted to be alone. That’s just how I roll. My wife, on the other-hand thrives, and is recharged, by being with people. She, and my kids, were looking forward to the family gathering.

By the time we arrived, I barely had energy to be polite. I was ready to leave at 2pm, but she wasn’t , so I went to lie down. At 3pm, I came out of hiding, at 3:20 I suggested we leave – but it took another 20-30 minutes to leave. I was spent. It’s a small price to pay for the sake of my beautiful wife and family.  But I am sometimes concerned that people think I don’t like them – or I’m mad at them.  I don’t, and I’m not, by the way.

And now you know why I drink coffee.