Jeremiah 7:16 (NLT)
16“Pray no more for these people, Jeremiah. Do not weep or pray for them, and don’t beg me to help them, for I will not listen to you.
Jeremiah 8:18-22 (NLT)
18My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken. 19Listen to the weeping of my people; it can be heard all across the land.
“Has the LORD abandoned Jerusalem£?” the people ask. “Is her King no longer there?”
“Oh, why have they angered me with their carved idols and worthless gods?” asks the LORD.
20“The harvest is finished, and the summer is gone,” the people cry, “yet we are not saved!”
21I weep for the hurt of my people. I am stunned and silent, mute with grief. 22Is there no medicine in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why is there no healing for the wounds of my people?
John 13:7 (NLT)
7Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now why I am doing it; someday you will.”
John 13:38 (NLT)
38Jesus answered, “Die for me? No, before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.
God tells Jeremiah to abandon the people — to no longer pray for them. Ouch! That’s gotta hurt. It must be hard for God to cut them off and it must be hard for Jeremiah to let go. I mean, these are God’s special people — the love of His life. His bride. These are the people He will die for. How can He cut them off like this? It must cut Him to the bone.
And for Jeremiah to communicate this. No wonder God told him earlier to communicate this message — or else. It is never easy to be the middleman. It must be killing Jeremiah to no even pray for them. Ouch! He says his grief is beyond healing.
Sometimes I think I have pain — I don’t think mine even compares to what is described in these chapters. I’ve broke up with girls, lost grandparents, had hellatious fights with close, loved ones, and laid on my bed and sobbed the night away. But when I think of this bond between God and His people, His pain must have been intense. An infinite God has infinite emotions. Yikes!
Then, when Jesus is describing footwashing to the disciples He tells them that someday they will understand. I wonder even after 2000 years if we understand the significance of that event even now? Do we really know what happened then? What was Jesus doing? What did He feel? What did He experience? What was going through His head as He washed these loved ones feet?
Did it change Him? Did He return to Heaven a changed God? How did His other experiences on Earth affect Him? What was it like for God to walk the planet He created and to live as His created lived? What was it like for the Creator to live as the created?
How difficult all this has been on God. To create these perfect humans and then to watch them fall. For six thousand years, they fell further and further. That must have been incredibly painful.
Finally, Jesus tells Peter that he is going to deny Him — 3 times. Of course Peter is in denial — but Jesus knows. How very sad.
Today, I’m in my office again — for the first time in about three days. A few weeks ago I noticed a strange smell down here. Then a couple of weeks ago I started coughing — like an asthmatic cough. It got worse and I finally narrowed it down to the basement. I reached up under the insulation and determined that it was wet under there. The insulation was moldy/mildewy and it was killing me.
So, earlier in the week, I abandoned ship. If I spent any time down here, I would cough most of the day afterwards — and long into the night. But what was I going to do. I had work to get done. It needed to be a busy week for me. Jen and I plan to take next week off and we are just weeks away from our launch. I have a ton of stuff to get done.
Earlier in the week I left a message with our builder’s customer service rep, but he never called back. Today, I started calling other numbers. I was adamant — this has to get fixed! They sent two guys over and we ripped all the insulation out of the basement. It was immediately better! Immediately.
On top of that I had an instense conversation Tuesday night with a close friend. Afterwards, he told me that it didn’t mean anything to him. What that said to me was that I didn’t mean anything to him. That hurt.
I didn’t realize how stressful this has been on me though — until about 3 this afternoon. As I was trying to merge into traffic, this guy sped up and wouldn’t let me in. I swore at him.
I don’t know why. I haven’t done that in years. I immediately felt bad. It was a stupid gesture on my part and childish too. It just came out — so instincual.
I have a long ways to go before I am fully healed. I have a long ways to go before I can truly be called a child of God. I am far from perfect.
But I know that God will not abandon me. I know that He loves me and will keep working with me. It isn’t the word that I said that is bad — it is the attitude. I wanted to talk to the guy afterwards and apologize. I wanted to say that I was sorry.
I’m sorry that I let stress get the better of me. I’m sorry that I lost my cool. I’m sorry that the peace of God wasn’t foremost on my mind. I’m sorry God for abandoning you — over something so small.
Dear God — I’m sorry that I don’t live up to the potential you created me with. I’m sorry that I turn away from you — over stooopid things. I’m sorry that we, as a people, don’t honor you with every part of our being. I’m sorry that we are foolish, and selfish, and immature, and lazy, and backsliders.
Please forgive us Lord.
Please forgive me for not representing you better. Please help me to rely on you more securely.
Please change me God.